Saturday, May 12, 2007

I agree completely, and for once, for all the same reasons

Straczynski is so in love with himself as a writer that he creates a story that is 3/4ths simply panels of spidey going from place to place- the better to fill up these panles with text boxes full of "Peter Parker-Whiner-philosopher". Whereas in the beginning of Straczynski's 6 year run, he used the tachnique more sparingly to perfectly capture Spider-Man's intelligence and thoughtfulness, now he simply uses it to drag issues out in the manner that people usually accuse bendis of. The content of this issue could have been effortlessly reduced to ten, maybe 12 pages with no loss of quality whatsoever.

I've been waiting for a long time to have a spin through a dark spidey, but now it's going to do nothing but leave a shitty taste in my mouth. Add in the fact that Straczynski sees no need to incorporate any of the events in any of the other spider-titles into amazing's continuity, which in turn marginalizes those other, embarassingly superior spidey books (embarassing because they're not very good either, not even PAD's book) and you have a recipe for purest, forever character altering trash.

The only good thing about this issue is that colorist Matt Milla does such an amazing job over Garney's steadily improving but still only ok (seriously, Spidey looks like he's about to shoot his mouth-tongue at Ripley in some panels) pencils that sometimes, especially on the first page, that you can imagine that it's still J.R. Jr. on pencils.
Combine this with the One More Day preview, seen on newsarama and in the back of a few titles, wherein Peter Parker uses nothing but webbing to defeat Iron Man.
I dislike having Spidey take his mask off every two seconds, and... well, there's a reazon it's called Spider-Man, and not "The Amazing Peter Parker who has spider-powers". Joe Quesada, a reviled personage, seems to be fully on board with JMS's take on Spidey, going so far as to pencil Peter for him (and making him look like a Capuchin Monkey). Normally I defend Quesada, but... well, if he's been happy with Spidey for the past three years, and he says "This is going to be the year of the Spider" I shudder to think of what kind of shit we'll see next. Witch Doctor Spider-Man? Abandons Science entirely, or applies science to the priestly rituals of Anansi? Fuck that.

Oh, and as a wonderful side-Benefit, garbage-tastic writers Daniel and Charles Knauf will feel compelled to have Iron jack bauerMan kick Spidey's ass while brushing his teeth, outsmarting Reed Richards and arm-wrestling the Hulk to a standstill while temporarily acting as president and wearing the Iron Spider suit and duplicating all of spidey's powers in order to one-up the retardation of Spidey first damaging, then immobilizing the INVINCIBLE IRON MAN (Class 60 strength, bursts of 100) with... wrist goo. That must be some pretty good magic.

Please, God- I come before you Humbled, humiliated, defeated.... to ask you for one thing- Kill J. Michael Straczynski.

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